Never tell a woman you love (unless ...)

Never tell a woman you love (unless ...)

When I worked as a doorman at the Paramount Hotel in New York, I met a lot of very interesting characters. One was a mounted policeman who looked like a movie actor (with a mustache and a face ephemeral Clark Gable / Errol Flynn). The beautiful mounted officer had been a playboy in his time, and he boasted for various activities various friends, one for skiing and one for going to the theater, etc. As I was only 19, he was happy to advise me how To manage relationships with women. I will never forget a wisdom that he will surrender: "You never say a woman you love." Why would anyone say such a cold thing and no heart at a young and influential? (That was almost embarrassing to admit that he had already told his girlfriend: "I love you" hundreds of times).

In an article published in the Journal of June issue of Personality and Social Psychology, Josh Ackerman joins forces with Vlad Griskevicius (University of Minnesota) and Norm Li (Singapore Management University) to solve this problem. And although all three researchers were students in my lab, I did not have to get the most out of my memory, conveyed the wise advice from my mentor NYPD. But their research helps me understand his psychology.

In one of their six studies, the researchers asked the students to imagine that they had found a new romance with someone they had just found "attractive and interesting." If you are a topic, read a scenario describe many Things that couples do together, eat meals included and meet friends with your new partner. Half the time you read that you and your partner had been sexually intimate, the other half of the time you would imagine a partner with whom you had had no sex. A month in the relationship that you imagine your new partner said, "I love you." Then you are asked how happy he is to hear this confession of love (on a scale from 0 ("not at all") to 7 ( "Come on")).

You are about your "sociolestère orientation", asking through a questionnaire to determine if you are someone who is not limited (who is a fun idea without love or engagement sex is thinking) or restricted (someone, really like sexual Intimacy within a fixed relationship).

As shown in the figure, men have unrestricted weird double mourning about a woman saying to hear the words: "I love you." When a woman takes for a man without restriction this love before sex, it makes him happy. Why? Perhaps because it is a signal taken that it is better to put carnal love in the near future. If on the other hand, a woman says a man has unlimited "I love you" after having sex, makes it less happy. Why? Perhaps because guys are unrestricted, as my friend copied, hoping to take the sexual benefit without paying a cost obligation.

For the men smaller / monogam, it works differently. You, as women usually happier to hear a partner say "I love you" after sex than before.

Men are generally more inclined to promote sex outside of a fixed relationship than women. And this helps to explain an interesting gap in another in the same document study found out. The researchers asked people their perceptions, whether men or women are usually more likely to say "I love you" first. The common perception was that women are much more likely to make such an oral pledge. But the common perception is wrong. In reality, Ackerman and colleagues reproduced something found it many decades ago by other researchers - men are quite as likely to say "I love you" first.

Ackerman and colleagues explain the gulf between perception and reality in terms of evolutionary economics, and they linked gender differences in parental investment, I have talked a lot in earlier publications. If you do not know about the concept, note biologists that women are usually required to invest more resources into their offspring (at least one fetus and care in the case of humans and other mammals). Therefore, any decision of birth is expensive, and women tend to make such decisions carefully. Male mammals who may have less to lose are less selective in getting sexual contact. When a man says, "I love you", which shows a possible willingness to invest more than the time to implant it sperm, and means that there will remain children for the raising. But because such oral commitments are broken, women are suspicious of the intentions that accompany and often choose to wait and see if there are other signs of an obligation to continue to risk pregnancy.
When Josh Ackerman said, "To say 'I love you' is a negotiation process; Essentially you make an offer. And a visual-economic development, the decision to make such an offer is different for men than for women. In the romantic marketplace, women want to minimize the risk of weak sales, while men want to minimize the risk of not offering high enough. For men, the biggest mistake would be not the obligation to communicate and lose the relationship. For women, the biggest mistake would be to rely on the statement of "I love you" to my partner and play on a sexual relationship without human investment.
Back to the beautiful city policeman New York I advised never to say "I love you" to a woman. Living in New York in 1960 with a huge population of unmarried single women and a new spirit of sexual freedom, the head man on a large horse was able to play a strategy more easily than most men more easily. In fact, other research Steve Gangestad and Jeff Simpson show that good-looking men tend to adopt a strategy without restriction, and other research results suggest that such strategies are most effective for men when there is a ratio of high women available.
For most boys regular appearances live in desirable places where women are willing to have very men to them, remembering the love and commitment could be a formula for celibacy. So better advice to all your regular guys when you start your heels for a woman, go forward and say "I love you" (but only if it means, of course).

original post by MrWhity..